People make me anxious. My social skills are so poor, I stutter a even if I’m talking with my friends. I hope they never noticed that! Haha (creepy fading laugh).
Sometimes–okay probably most of the time–we just want to be alone because being with other people drains us out so much! (by I, I mean We because I’m an introvert too.)
I’m not the most accomplished introvert, nor am I some introvert guru but I know how stressful it is for some people to socialize, so I wrote this to help out people like me. I might get back to this one day whenever I feel too shy.
Situation 1:
You are forced to interact with a stranger because of your friends/co workers. Your long time bff just got a boyfriend/girlfriend. Her bae looks nice, looks great, and seems alright in general. Then bff says, “s’cuse me I have to go to the bathroom brb”.
And for some reason you didn’t go with said bff, and you are left alone with your bff’s bae….what now??
Solution:
Well for starters don’t stare into space. Talk to him/her. Bff will be right back. Don’t. Worry. What’s a 10 min powder break right?
Step 1: tell bae that you want to go to the rest room too! (Eliminates awkwardness and you can talk to your bff in private)
If that won’t work,
Step 2: ask questions that have long answers. This works every time. Ask him something that he has not mentioned before like… “So why is your name ____? Is there a story behind it?”
By the time he finishes with his story your bff would probably be back already. I love this solution because I only utter 2 sentences and never say anything ever again. Yay. (Except maybe generic words like “yeah? Great. Cool. And then?”
But if the conversation gets a bit dry even if you keep on asking.
Step 3: use your phone! Text someone, browse your fb feed, maybe show bae some interesting stuff like food porn or cute animal pictures. I know it’s rude to play a game while talking to someone but you can actually tell bae about a new/famous game and ask him to try it. “Heyy can you beat my score on (insert gaming app here). ” Then hand bae the phone. You dont have to talk to bae anymore until bff comes back. Yay!
This is better than staring on the phone and ignoring bae until bff comes back.
Situation 2:
You are an introvert and it took a few months for you to be comfortable in the office but now you are used to it and more comfortable in engaging with small talk. All of a sudden Boss introduces a new employee and even if you know nothing about this guy you are forced to interact with him.
Solution:
Step 1: when everyone says “hi, I’m ___ and I am in charge of ___” use this time to introduce yourself too.
Step 2: try to remember his name. Write it on a personal notebook “Mark- new IT personnel” or type it on your phone in the notes app. If there are emails where you are cc or bcc, add his email to your contacts so that you will remember his name.
Step 3: once lunch break comes and your coworkers ask him to join your table (obviously you will never ask him to join you because you are scared to talk to him), follow up the invite with “yes Mark, join us!” Saying this makes you less noticeable. You were not the first one to invite him, but you make him feel more accepted. Being the most quiet one, people who don’t know you will usually label you as mysterious and scary. By inviting him for lunch after a coworker already invited him(make sure its the same table), you give him an idea that you are not scary. Don’t forget to smile.
step 4: what if the new guy is also quiet. You have no clue if he is also an introvert or just acting like a snob…. Well my advice is to keep quiet and listen. Be observant. Introverts are very observant and we will know right away if this person is just being a snob. Don’t open your mouth. Yet. Just smile. Listen to what he has to say. He might be nice after all.
Step 5: compliment him. A simple “hey nice shirt” goes a long way. Lets say your computer freezes because you opened a jillion tabs so you call him –the IT guy– and when he comes to your desk start with “hey nice shirt! Where did you buy that?” Then proceed with stuff about the computer. See, you compliment him and also avoid awkwardness about being a dumb computer user. After telling him what happened and you want to avoid small talk, grab something and tell him “can you work on that while I do some xerox work? Ok I’ll be back in 10mins thanks!” –when you come back thank him and tell him he did a great job. Make sure he is finished with your computer to avoid more talking.
Situation 3
When someone you don’t know well asks you a huge favor and you want to say NO. Example, your new co worker Mark, is asking you to lend him a large sum of money.
Solution:
Step 1: if you’re not face to face with this person get a bathroom break and tell yourself in the mirror “No. No. No. No.” Learn how to say NO. Really, it’s not that hard. Saying No is easier than doing something after saying Yes.
Step 2: talk to him and tell him that you don’t have money to lend him. This is the time to lie about how you are the one who will pay all the bills at home this month. Tell him you’re sorry but you’re also saving up for something, or you have a loan to pay. We know how irritating it is when people who ask for money try to look sad and beg, I swear this happens and it might happen to you someday but hey, it’s your money. Don’t let anyone make you feel like you are a bad person for not lending any money.
Step 3 if he gets mad or annoyed, let him be. Remove toxic people from your life. What matters is you said NO when you needed to say NO.
If you want to keep your friendship even if he gets annoyed that you won’t lend him anything
Step 4 tell him to look for a part time job. This is really nice and a more friendly approach. Do you know a person who has a broken laptop? Refer your IT co worker to this friend. Help Mark earn money by giving him opportunities.
It’s alright not to lend him money. You don’t know him well. He is basically a stranger. Of course, lend money to family and friends but not strangers. Ok? Don’t feel like you are forced to lend out money because you feel like you look bad for refusing.
I end this blog for now. Let me known in the comments below if you have other awkward situations that you wish had introvert friendly solutions.
#introvert #awkward #shy #solutions
credit images from:
Unsplash.com -Pudar Chu, Gabriel Gurrola
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